Her mind rushes toward me, swelling and expanding, scattering thoughts at my feet like seashells before lifting them up and drawing them in, and I ---
I'm shielding my eyes at the shoreline. I'm squelching my toes in the sand.
Her words circle around me. They're the rings on an oak tree, the map of a life, deep, embedded, and growing from within, and I ---
I'm a pocket knife carving, a scratch, uninspired graffiti:
Emily
Was
Here.
I hope if I just keep going, if I just keep scribbling down these little sketches, maybe one day I'll wake up and find there's beauty here.
Ooh, I've been feeling exactly those things, too. But you -- you are beauty personified.
ReplyDeleteHow do you always know the perfect words to say?
DeleteI'm sorry you've been feeling the same way, but I'm glad to be in such good company. You're wonderful, Robin.
If Emily was here...beauty is bound to be there, too!
ReplyDelete*smile*
DeleteBeauty IS there, my dear. But I know what you mean about our own work not living up to our dreams, or even expectations. When I feel that way, I remind myself of what Ira Glass said about how those who get into creative work do so because they have good taste and our good taste is why our work disappoints us. (Full quote here: http://writerunderground.com/2011/04/28/ira-glass-on-creativity-or-the-gap-between-our-taste-and-our-work/) Keep writing. The gap closes over time.
ReplyDeleteEncouraging advice. Thanks, Jade.
Deletebeauty is already there - in you and your words.
ReplyDeletethe feeling will pass....we all have them...i assure you.
xo
http://rambleswithreese.etsy.com
http://rambleswithreese.blogspot.com
Thank you, Reese.
DeleteThere is beauty in each and every one of your posts....
ReplyDeleteOh Hilary, that's so nice of you to say. Thank you.
DeleteWe have a tendency to criticize ourselves too harshly. Just be you. You are a beautiful person...that is how I feel, when I read your posts. xo
ReplyDeleteI keep telling myself that beauty has something to do with being yourself...or, at least, with being yourself as entirely as possible. It's an encouraging thought, isn't it? Thanks, Rosinda.
Deletethis is where i always stand. i know this shore well. i'm not sure i've ever moved from it. but i, too, find myself compelled to scratch away. write my words in the sand with a stick, even if the tide rolls in and erases them. because what i've learned is this: no one sees the world like i do. and no one sees it like YOU do, either. i'm so happy you wandered over to my blog so i could find yours. i love reading your words.
ReplyDeleteI can hardly even imagine, even though I believe you, because you...YOU are amazing.
Delete(Thanks for the solidarity.)
oh, there IS beauty. i see it, here. i think sometimes beauty is birthed from our weakest, most inadequate times... we just can't see it until we look back...
ReplyDeleteI feel like life moves so fast, you know? There's so much I want to record, to remember, and I'm scribbling away, capturing only a fraction, never able to sit down, to find a space of quiet, or to actually *make* anything out of these bits I'm writing. I've just been frustrated...discouraged. But I hope one day I'll look back and find out I've captured more than I realize, that, as you said, I just couldn't see it, and that there's some kind of shape in these memories I'm keeping.
DeleteOh, but Emily you ARE beautiful! I can't honestly think of one piece of writing I've read here (or elsewhere of yours) that isn't beautiful. You might have a million ideas and feel floundering for ways to express them, which happens to all of us, I think, but what you DO express is gorgeous.
ReplyDeleteKeep working! But I have a suspicious feeling that no matter WHAT you write, you'll always think you could have done better. It's human nature to hae imperfect visions of ourselves.
So trust ME: my vision of you is beautiful. My vision of your writing is positively magnificent in nature :)
Your words are like a safety net made out of an old quilt: warm to wrap up in and strong to fall back on.
DeleteI love you, lady. :)
Yes, but do you love my typos...? ;)
DeleteI was so excited when I figured out how to respond to comments on blogger, but now I cringe every time I scroll through my responses: typos forever! Is it too much to hope, now, that they'll come out with a post-publishing comment editing feature?
DeleteWhat? Too demanding?
There's beauty in the "uninspired" graffiti... and at least you've left a mark.
ReplyDeleteWell, there's definitely beauty in *inspired* graffiti, but...actually, that reminds me: have you seen the European graffiti on the Egyptian ruins at the MET?
DeleteThat was pretty cool. And you're right, they definitely left their mark!
Sometimes I feel the same way. Not sure of what my purpose really is but then I look at my kids and know completely that I'm here to be their mom. Great post!
ReplyDeleteBeing a mom isn't always glamorous, but you're right: it IS an incredible purpose.
DeleteThank you!
Tis the curse of the write, the doubt sneaks in with the inhale and lingers. Kick it out and keep the dark self at bay (it's hard... and a never ending process) and keep writing.
ReplyDeleteAt least there's power in numbers, right? That's a comfort.
DeleteMy hope is that I don't wake up one day and wished I felt that way more often. I just keep plugging along, but don't very often ask myself if I am doing a good job. Very dangerous!
ReplyDeleteWell, from my vantage point, you certainly *seem* like you're doing a good job. I think it's hard to find the balance between anxious striving and complacency though, so I guess -- we both need to keep working! :)
DeleteYou are beautiful. :-) From your blog and the way you write, I just know you're doing a great job with everything you do. I can feel your dedication. Lots of love!
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteStop waiting....the beauty is crystal clear....your voice comes through in each letter... BEAUTY; now, right now.
ReplyDeleteOh, reading that was soothing...
DeleteYou are a mega-watt talent that shines bright. And your life (and adventure list, I may add) are a testament to very statement.
ReplyDeleteKeep on shining. And I'll keep reading as I am hopelessly addicted to your writing style and friendship.
Also: I'm STILL writing out my adventure list. It REALLY is taking this long. What does that mean?
Thank you so much, Alita! That really means a lot to me, especially considering how much I've always admired YOU. :)
ReplyDeleteI think it's fun you're still writing your adventure list. When you're finished, I want to see it!